Psychotherapy & Counselling -
|27th June 2017|
Counsellor, Consultant, PsychotherapistHi, and thanks for checking out my site. I provide:
Addiction Counselling London
Addiction Counselling Manchester
This page will tell you about me and my work and how to get in touch if you want to schedule an appointment or find out more. The next page, "About Psychotherapy," will tell you about the techniques that I use including my own Attachment Centered Therapy. "Qualifications," the third page, is my vita, as it does seem appropriate to let you know what my training and experience has been. Finally comes "Frequently Asked Questions" which is information that I thought many of you might want to know. Again, thanks for checking out my site, and let me know if I can help you.
I am a member of the UKCP (UK Council for Psychotherapy) and certified by them as an Integrative Psychotherapist through the Metanoia Institute. Please see the qualifications page for a full listing of training, qualifications, and experience.
I providing counselling, consulting, and psychotherapy services for addictions, co-dependency, relationships, family of origin, issues of trauma, abuse or neglect, developmental and personality problems, lifestyle development, personal growth and development and other life issues.
Please feel free to contact me if you would like more information or to arrange an appointment.
Below my 'It's all a question of balance' picture you will find:
Healing the Broken Bond: how attachment centred therapy heals attachment wounds.
Below you will find the introduction to my book.
Here are some sayings for you to help correct errors of information processing:
Since you are here, you probably have an interest in attachment and what it is about. There are 3 basic strategies, A, B, and C, that, in broad terms, determine how you relate to those closest to you.
A’s tend to deny their own needs and feelings and are pre-occupied with meeting the needs of others. They rely primarily on facts in processing information, to the exclusion of emotional information, particularly negative emotions.
C’s tend to dismiss the needs and feelings of others and are pre-occupied with their own. They rely primarily on their own emotional state in processing information.
B’s use a balance of both facts and feelings in processing information about relationships.
I have created 3 sayings, one for each category, that are designed to help them to reprogram, except for the B’s who don’t really need much help and rarely show up in a therapy office.
For A’s: Logically, it makes sense to be more emotional.
For C’s: Emotionally, it feels good to be more logical.
For B’s: I am comfortable using both facts and feelings in making choices in relationships.
Areas of Specialization
More about the services I providePsychotherapy Manchester
Addiction Counselling London
Addiction Counselling Manchester
Chemical DependencyAddiction Counselling London
Addiction Counselling Manchester
I have worked in addiction treatment since 1988. I began my treatment experience working with chemical addictions, such as alcoholism, cocaine, marijuana, narcotics, prescription drugs and other drugs of addiction.
I have extensive training and experience in treating these problems, and I served on the board of directors of the Alabama Alcohol and Drug Abuse Association.
I have in the past been certified as a Masters Level Addiction Professional, a Certified Criminal Justice Addictions Professional, and I was certified by the International Counseling and Reciprocity Consortium.
These certifications are not current, as I found that I just had too many certifications to keep up with them all, especially now that I am concentrating my work and training in Attachment.
Sexual Addiction CounsellingAddiction Counselling London; Addiction Counselling Manchester
Next I moved into treating sexual addiction in 1992 when I entered private practice. I also treat relationship or romance addiction (sometimes referred to as "love addiction").
I have trained extensively with Dr. Patrick Carnes, acknowledged by many to be the leading researcher and writer in the field of sex and relationship addiction. I was a Certified Sex Addiction Therapist and a supervisor for counselors seeking certification.
I also served on the Advisory Board for Certified Sex Addiction Therapists, and am a past board member of the National Council on Sexual Addiction and Compulsivity (now known as the Society for the Advancement of Sexual Health).
Relationship, Couples and Marriage and Family PsychotherapyPsychotherapy Manchester
We have long known that addiction is a family illness. Most people who develop problems with addictions come from families where addiction or co-addiction is present. In addition, the addiction has a grave impact on families where it is present.
It quickly became apparent to me that a knowledge of family dynamics and the best skills available for couples and family work were an important part of the recovery process. Many relationships survive the addiction only to fall apart during recovery.
I have trained with Dr. John Gottmann, the leading researcher in the U.S. in the field of marriage, relationship, and family counselling. I have worked with several systemic family therapy supervisors and participated in a systemic family therapy supervision group with Dr Don Brown in Birmingham Alabama for about 5 years. Thus my couples and family work is informed by Systemic Family Therapy.
In addition to doing therapy with addicts and their relations in recovery, I also provide marriage and family and couples counselling to others who do not have problems with addictions.
Co-dependency counsellingAddiction counselling London
Addiction counselling Manchester
Many people who grow up in dysfunctional or addictive families become what we call "co-dependent". That is, they are excessively dependent on others for their own sense of self worth, or they compulsively caretake others, often getting into dysfunctional relationships that either they can't get out of, or if they do, they soon find another dysfunctional relationship to take it's place.
Because much of my work is done with people in later stage recovery when co-dependency issues begin to emerge, this field became a natural outgrowth of the other work that I do.
Eating Disorders & Body Dysmorphic DisorderPsychotherapy Manchester
While I have never trained specifically to treat these disorders, which often co-occur, I have often encountered them in my practice. My approach is psychotherapeutic because I believe that these are symptoms of attachment difficulties.
Attachment Centred TherapyPsychotherapy Manchester
These days my work is centred on attachment. The reason for this is that I believe there is convincing evidence that almost all of the above problems stem from disruptions in attachment in childhood, and sometimes later years. For this reason I have undertaken to educate myself regarding attachment. To that end I have read hundreds of articles and books about attachment theory and research. I'm even working on a book of my own about it.
I have trained with Dr. Patricia Crittenden, who was trained by Mary Ainsworth, who was trained by John Bowlby, the originator of Attachment Theory. Dr. Crittenden has created the Dynamic Maturational Method of attachment analysis. You may visit her website to learn more about this.
I use the Adult Attachment Interview as a way to get started in therapy. This assessment provides a dynamic and revealing way to quickly identify what went wrong and why, and also immediately begins to provide the healing necessary to fix it.
This is a book about information processing. I am giving you information right now, and you are processing it. You are already, in the depths of your mind and to some extent in your consciousness, forming thoughts, feelings, and beliefs about what I am saying. In the here and now, it will be causing your mind to reach into the past to perhaps construct memories of events in the past that involve information processing, and based on that information, it is also perhaps creating in your imagination ideas about how you might be able to use this information in the future. You are also perhaps trying to decide whether you want to buy this book, or, if you have already bought it, whether or not you made a wise decision. If you have already bought it, you have. If you are deciding whether or not to buy it, then do. I am first and foremost a salesman – perhaps the second oldest profession.
I am proud and happy to be a salesman. I have made a good living doing it, and I have helped lots of people, some of whose stories you will learn about in this book. I sell the ideas in this book to my clients, and I sell my services in helping my clients learn to use these techniques for the benefit of themselves, those they love, and those they serve. I have made a sale each time a client reschedules for another session with me. They come back and pay me because they know that they are receiving value for their money. You will too, for having bought this book and using the techniques described within it. Whether you are a person who wants to know more about how we humans function, or someone seeking help, either self-help or a therapist to assist you, or whether you are a therapist who wants to know how to better help your clients, this book is for you. Or perhaps there are other interests you might have in buying this book. If you do, you will find that I am trying to sell you on the ideas in it.
In it we will discuss how to process information without distortions or deletions. Information comes to us, primarily, through facts and feelings. Those using mostly a B strategy will process the information in a balanced manner and make decisions based on this processing. Those using an A strategy will delete and distort information that has negative feelings attached to it. They will blame themselves for things that have gone wrong. Those using a C strategy will delete or distort information that has facts attached to it that doesn’t fit with their feelings. They blame others for things that have gone wrong. That is the gist of it.
Those strategies, A, B, and C, are the three strategies identified by Mary Ainsworth in her work validating John Bowlby’s paradigm shifting attachment theory that explains how humans behave in close personal relationships, or ‘attachment relationships.’ This may also be generalized into how they behave in other areas of their lives to varying degrees. This varies because, as we mature, we develop other strategies for dealing with relatives who are not attachment figures, such as siblings, aunts, uncles and cousins, and grandparents. Some of these may overlap into caregiving or attachment figure roles. We will also be developing strategies to deal with peers, friends, playmates, schoolmates, and other authority figures such as teachers, preachers, babysitters, doctors and others whom we may encounter. We will learn how to play on sports teams, debating teams, drama clubs, dance groups and so on. We will learn maths and sciences and languages and literature and how to do things, like calculating trajectories and marketing services and writing computer code and interior design. We will learn how to relate to bosses and co-workers, and employees. We will write plays and repair cars and stage extravaganzas. We will gain recognition for music and plays and in business. And all the while, our earliest attachment experiences with our caregivers which were formed by one year of age will be operating in the background, deep in our unconscious minds, to determine how we process all of this information coming our way. Because of this, some of us may not be so successful in accomplishing these tasks.
We may have difficulty cooperating with others, not being able to participate easily in group activities. We may find ourselves being exploited by others, or bullying others, or in conflict with authority. We may have difficult forming and maintaining intimate personal relationships. We may have ‘everything going for us’ but still feel discontent, dissatisfied with life. We may be having success which we then sabotage. Or we may be wildly successful or elevate ourselves to positions of high power, such as many world leaders we could name, and yet still be pathologically harmful to others.
Attachment does this by giving us information in 5 areas of our deep, inner belief systems. First is how we relate to ourselves. We may think ourselves inadequate, or capable of no wrong. We may dislike ourselves, hate ourselves, loathe ourselves. The lucky ones who had positive attachment experiences will feel good about themselves most of the time, and when things go wrong for themselves or those they love they will work constructively with others in order to correct them, learn from them, and go forward. For those who lack this capacity, these negative experiences will only confirm them more firmly into their dysfunctional beliefs about themselves. And others.
Which brings us to the second core area of our beliefs, and that is how we relate to others. We may have a positive belief, based on past experiences, of being able to relax and be ourselves with others, and know that they will accept us as we are. That’s the secure position. Should that not be the case, then secure people are able to take effective action to protect themselves, to correct the mistake, or to completely withdraw from the interaction if that seems to be the best course. But those with insecure attachment strategies, the A+ and C+ strategies, will fear that others will reject them if they reveal their true selves, again, based on their past attachment experiences. Others will be confident of total acceptance and be angry and hostile when they don’t get it. Or they believe that others can be controlled, cajoled, or coerced into meeting their needs. They are often successful in this endeavour, and that is what results in Donald Trump being elected president of the USA. Go figure.
The third area of belief is about the world at large, or our model of how the world works. This determines whether we see the world as our oyster or our obstacle. Is the world a strange and frightening place, or is it a garden of delights? Do you awaken in the morning with a sense of confidence and wellbeing, or do you dread what this day may bring? As one of my clients put it, ‘I awake each morning wondering what catastrophe I will have to deal with today.’ When I asked what catastrophes she had had to deal with in the past, she replied, ‘none.’ You will meet her later in this book, along with some other of my clients who have kindly and altruistically given me permission to use their stories in the telling of this story, of healing these broken bonds.
The fourth core area is how we then interact with this world, based on those three earlier core beliefs, and the techniques and strategies that we use in order to operate in this world and get our needs met. This depends on the coping skills that we have learned – or not – in our relations with our caregivers, and then later others in our lives. This affects the jobs we do, the careers we choose, how we find our place in the world. Some of us believe that if we do a good job, we will be rewarded. Others believe that nothing is ever good enough. Others feel underappreciated for the work they do and the services they perform. Some become disillusioned, resentful and bitter. Others become compassionate, caring, and altruistic. And this leads us to our fifth area, how we choose to nurture ourselves and others.
This fifth level of belief determines what we need to do in order to care for ourselves and others. Thus someone may choose to eat excessive amounts of ‘comfort foods,’ consisting mostly of white flour and white sugar, in our to meet their needs. These comfort foods give the brain the biochemical message, ‘this feels good and everything is going to be alright’ – the same message given by alcohol and narcotics. Thus a mother may stuff herself and her children with comfort foods in her way of nurturing herself and others, continuing a pattern begun by her mother, and her mother before that and …. Or a father may have struggled against the poverty and material deprivation into which he was born, and believe that the best, and perhaps the only way he knows, of nurturing his children, is by heaping loads of money on them – usually in return for the right to tell them what to do and how to do it – after all, father knows best.
While these beliefs and the attachment strategies that support them are often altered by circumstances that have nothing to do with our attachment figures, how we are affected by them, and how we respond to them, and what we take away from those experiences as learnings about ourselves, about others, about our model of the world, how to operate in it, and how to nurture ourselves and others, is always being processed through our perceptual filters that are buried deep within our consciousness, so that what we observe when we react to events is the end product or our mind’s processing. It is only through self-examination, as in therapy or meditation, that we can begin to bring those processes into awareness.
If you are thinking, as well you might, that these three simple concepts of A, B, and C strategies are insufficient to explain the complexities of human behaviour, please consider that all of chemistry is based on the interaction of three different basic particles: electrons, protons, and nuetrons, and all of the color palette can be created by combinations of red, green and blue. And as with these other methods, how these three basic elements combine and create effects is a part of processes that are influenced by other phenomena. But without these elements, there is nothing to interact.
|©2017 Charley Shults — powered by WebHealer|